There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
