The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
