Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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