Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
