if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
