You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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