I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
