I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
