grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
