it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
