I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
