I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
