Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
