Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
