puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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