Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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