I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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