$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
