I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
