Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
