no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
