How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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