he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
