I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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