Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
