please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
