I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
