Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
