We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
