I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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