She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
