I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
