We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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