Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
