She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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