We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
