brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize