You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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