I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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