Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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