$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
