He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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