The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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