I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
