Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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