She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize