At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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