its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize