I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
me + whiskey = a bad person
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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