forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
