I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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