My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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