First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
