if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
