I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
