I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize