ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
