rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
