Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
