If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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