ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize