it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
