I am full of burrito and curiosity
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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