I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
