i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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