My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
