someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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