But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
