What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
