We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just took my morning after pill in the library
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
