How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
