Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
