I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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