Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
