this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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