Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize