She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
