My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize