new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
