she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
