Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
