I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
