You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
