he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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