why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
