Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
