Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
