if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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