I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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