im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
