Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
