If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
