Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
