he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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