Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
