Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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