i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
