Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
