It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
