I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
