I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
